Sunday 15 June 2008

Pianoman

When I was young I used to tinkle on the ivories, but my mum told me to stop as it was staining the keys & making the piano smell.

Takeaway..

Bought an indian from my local takeaway the other day.

Unfortuanatley I had to take him back for a refund after the neighbours complained about his constant whooping..

BBC Statement -
'Due to the number of complaints regarding the lack of ethnic minorities on TV, the BBC will now be showing Crimewatch twice a week'

Friday 30 May 2008

Music for the rush hour..

How about some music for all those who commute to work by train?.

How about 'Don't Stand So Close To Me' by Phil Collins, or 'Stand by your man' by Dolly Parton, or 'All Stand up' from Status Quo?.

Have you noticed how companies & organisations are using music to promote themselves, well, I've come-up with a list of suitable songs for certain companies.
For the Samaritans, you could have 'Jump' from Van Halen, or the theme from M.A.S.H. (Suicide is painless'.
BT could use Blondies' 'Hanging on the Telephone'.

Saturday 24 May 2008

Living like royalty

I am aiming to live like Royalty, within 2 years I intend to be living in a state-owned house & sponging off the state.

Jo goes on holiday to a far flung place, whilst shes there, she goes on a guided tour of the local caves. After a short while, they come across the mumified body of a child. The tour guide explains that the child wandered into the cave 400 years ago and got lost. Jo asked "was he on one of your tours?"

Thursday 22 May 2008

What a riot!!!

Apparently the Police in Manchester have finally released a report on why they couldn't handle 20,000 disgruntled Glasgow Rangers fans.
It was because they weren't used to such big crowds at the 'City of Manchester' Stadium.
Why is it women always harp on about sexual equality, yet they insist on cheaper car insurance.


Have you heard about the new Welsh language ad-on pack for Scrabble ?.
It contains 10 extra 'L's, 8 more 'D's & a dozen extra 'W's.

Talking about the Welsh, why is it they always answer a question with a question?, the other week I said to my Welsh mate "whats the weather doing?", he replied "it's raining isn't it?", so I said "I wouldn't know, thats why I asked you."